God and weight loss

If you are/were struggling with weight/body image issue, sick of cycle of losing 15 lbs and then back in 2 months, or constantly stressed about skinny goals/recipes/images… this might help you.

It was a recent realization that food (experience, company, culture, taste, fun, having options, cooking) was taking an unhealthy level of importance in my life… and that I was resorting to it for comfort, reward, and consistency rather than God. God led me to a juice fast where He taught me that He is above this problem, that it’s OK to crave BUT I can crave and get the better choice (Himself!), and that following Him is denying your flesh and making godly choices (yes, including what you eat) everyday. It was an amazing experience. Learned to really appreciate and enjoy spiritual discipline… how important it is to get rid of all uncleanness from your mind, body, and soul… and to prepare your vessel for good works! The book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst helped me a lot! (her website)

However, post-fast has been more challenging… Fast is like a retreat, entering a holy meeting place with you and God. Actually, I wasn’t hungry. I was PAST hungry. Can you believe that? It was actually harder to apply what God has told me to my real life (stress, job/task list, social drama, weight fluctuation, acne flares, constipation -look, I am real, ok- etc). I am totally a googler. I frantically googled forums of people with similar problems and hear their remedies. I googled recipes that follows strict diet rules that I thought God would want. I googled blogs, devotions, and sermons related to my problem. I wasn’t getting any solutions. I was again desperate, except this time, I wasn’t going to a Chinese buffet… but neither was I seeking God first.

My dear, who are you looking for? Would the experience and wisdom of the people or the world satisfy you than Mine?

 Weight and acne. What a shallow problem. But it’s a serious problem that I can’t just say “You are so stupid. Let it go.” I pray about them. I pray about solutions. I pray to God so that “I can share others what You have done for me.” He didn’t say that it was a stupid prayer request. BUT He did say that He rather enjoy time with me together today and we can deal with these daily problems together, one day at a time. Weight and facial regimen seem like something I should handle. So, I thought, even after my fast, victories will be the evidence of God’s presence of my life! To me and my fellows and etc. But, God thought it was more important for me to make healthy eating choices and healthy facial choices (like no picking at the zit) with Him… and He was going to take care of the rest. 

Whatever you are going through, I know they are real, frustrating, and hopeless. I know you tried everything known to man kind. God offers something different, something that wasn’t available to man kind. He offers us Himself, every moment, every ups and downs, every disappointments and victories… He wants us to be with Him. So, I have to remind myself, every time I get on the scale, that weight doesn’t represent my spiritual achievement even. I have to remind myself to pray: 

Lord, I know I am weak. I know I am prone to want the greasiest, fried, deliciousness whenever I am stressed out or feel out of control. I know that I am prone to get distressed when my weight goes up 0.5 lbs. I know I will cry not being able to eat certain foods. I know I will cry of happiness, resisting food with the power of Holy Spirit. My desire is not to get to my goal weight as soon as possible, 2 lbs loss per week. My desire is to be with you every point of my life, living and making choices with you everyday. Help me enjoy today with You. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

source of joy

Don’t be going around telling your Intimacy business

Alright, I am not talking about bedroom business with your spouse and/or boy/girlfriend. I am talking about intimacy with our God. It’s gonna get real, so buckle up: 

I love fellowship. I really do. I love talking about where I am in my walk, knowing about other’s journeys and what not. I love talking about God, what He has done, and what He will do. Recently, God has led me to go on a “social” fast with certain ground rules. It took me awhile to accept and commit to it, thinking I am doing this amazing thing to gain some kind of enlightenment on my boy situation… but… as ALWAYS… the insights God led me through fasting were unexpected and humbling… that left my perspective forever changed regarding my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Near the end of the fast, I saw why I needed to do this. I was sharing too much.  In a [comical] way, He was telling me, “Yo, don’t tell what goes in our bedroom to other people. That’s not their business.” Then, I started to think why I was doing that. I realized I was putting other’s approval/confirmation of my spiritual direction… and exploiting my intimate life with Christ. Moreover, this led me to think that I was putting intimacy with others over intimacy with God when it came to distributing my effort. I saw that I really didn’t have the intimacy with God.

I felt his calling to be alone with me. That’s when I knew that the dating phase was over. We now have married and moved in… but, instead of spending one-on-one time with my spouse, I was taking every chance to hang out with my friends… Yes, I talk about Him a lot but I forsook putting my effort into knowing what He was like, what kind of music He liked, what his favorite sport is, etc. I didn’t know Him… as much as I knew of Him. He now wanted to have the talk. Where are you, He asked, where is your heart? He wanted me to commit. I was scared but curious about how He felt like, how He smelled, and how He talked. I felt His presence before… but I knew that was just a conversation through a screened door. 

I leave you with a challenge: Do you know God? Do you want to know God? Are you ready to commit to a monogamous relationship? 

divided house: confession

Going to be honest: I have been extra harsh with my fellow Christians, especially the ones around me because I see their failures and flaws. I have been correcting (inside my head or outside my mouth) every tone and emotion they shared with me because I knew that it wasn’t from “God.” This was probably making some of God-fearing individuals to be white-washed tombs around me, sending me praises of God and giving empty thanks, when they are really hurting inside. Part of me wants to think that I wasn’t that bad, but I have to admit that most likely damage (at any level) is done. 

The thing is I am not really stern with non-Christians, perhaps because I know that they yet know the salvation Jesus died for… My expectation from them is definitely less. But I see that I have been expecting spiritual super heroes from Christians… and this, I, the self-proclaimed spiritual guru, was saddened that she might never get that ideal fellowship she wants from her immediate peers. Having been revealed of some of ridiculous lies I still cannot overcome, I saw that we cannot be superheroes but we are relentless underdogs. We are an avid searchers of the living water in between the cracks of parched mud, called life. We are bunch of blind mice touching, smelling, and studying this elephant in the room, anticipating the day that we will receive sight to see the elephant’s majesty. 

It is really easy for me to admire Christians that are not around me: Tim Tebow, Jeremy Lin, celebrity pastors, some of Christian tumblrs, and my long-distance friends. However, when I get to know people really well, to the point that we don’t need to speak to read each other… that’s when they are exposed. The question is: Can I trust them? Having trust issue in the first place, I wanted the ideal fellowship to entrust my spiritual accountability… but I stand convicted that it is an unjust expectation to place on people and that this attitude was preventing me from being their servant, a listener and a caretaker.